"But the road between dreams and reality is much harder. It's rarely short or without obstacles – it's usually a long and complicated path filled with enough setbacks and self-doubt that would make most turn back, siding with the naysayers who told them that their goal was "unrealistic" or "impractical," or "childish" or "stupid."

"This all changes when you're a walk-on. If you're expecting any of the perks that you once had, you're in for a very rude awakening."


http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/most_recent/the_walk_on

The Walk On

by Jim Wendler – 4/23/2012

I always write the introductions to my articles last. I never know where an idea is going to take me. This particular article is the hardest – and the best – that I've ever written. It's full of emotion and brought me back to a time that was both incredibly fulfilling and incredibly hard.

What you're about to read is about playing football, but the fact is it's about something much bigger. It's about dreams, and what it takes to make them come true.

Because everybody has dreams – dreams are easy. You don't even have to close your eyes to imagine yourself winning the Superbowl, or climbing Mount Everest, or finally buying Mom the house she always wanted.

But the road between dreams and reality is much harder. It's rarely short or without obstacles – it's usually a long and complicated path filled with enough setbacks and self-doubt that would make most turn back, siding with the naysayers who told them that their goal was "unrealistic" or "impractical," or "childish" or "stupid."

Or just a dream.

Growing up in Illinois, I had one dream: to play Division I football. It wasn't the NFL – it was suiting up on Saturdays and playing for a big time school. I don't know when the dream started, but I can't tell you when it wasn't a goal of mine.

I punished my body for years in the weight room, on the track, and on the field all for one goal. I didn't ask too many questions with training; Walter Payton ran hills? Jim Wendler would run hills. Barry Sanders squatted? Jim Wendler would squat until his legs fell off.

I did so without contemplating overtraining (this didn't exist) or counting carbs. Asking questions felt like a waste of time, time that could be spent running and squatting.

Since then I've been through harder things, like divorce, children, and the death of loved ones. But at the time this was the biggest thing in my life, and the hardest. It's been over 15 years and I still look at those experiences and draw strength and wisdom from them.

When I went to the University of Arizona, I was two years removed from high school. I spent the first two years playing ball at the United States Air Force Academy (this was pre-tattoos and pre-beard) and realized that military life wasn't for me. I also realized that I needed to pursue what was in my heart.

So I left – literally packed one bag and flew to Tucson, Arizona without knowing a soul or having a guarantee that I was going to make the team. Below is what transpired and (I hope) is a guide for the young players that have the same dream I once had.

Choosing Your School

You may or may not have a choice of where you go to school. Financial and geographical restrictions may limit your choices to one or two. But if you have a choice, I highly recommend looking at schools with a good program for walk-ons.

While it may be easier to simply ask players for input, it isn't realistic. What I did was get the football media guides of each school and read the player bios. Saw which contributing players were walk-ons and who received scholarships. If possible, visit the schools and try to meet the recruiting coordinator (or any coach that will see you).

Assuming you have choices, choose the school that you feel most comfortable with. Remember that you will be a student, an athlete, and part of a community. This is a four or five year commitment on your part so make sure you're happy with your decision. Remember that your parents aren't going to the school, you are. So don't make a choice based on what theywant.

If you don't have much of a choice, you're going to have to make the school and program work for you. You'll have to adjust and change your attitude to make your success.

The Tryout

Unless you're a preferred walk-on, you'll have to go through a tryout. This involves a coach and some graduate assistant coaches taking you through a variety of drills and football specific stuff to see who can play. If you have a modicum of talent, preparedness, and speed, you'll be fine.

I've seen many players show up to these things out of shape and with a carefree attitude. This is a good thing, as it will allow you to shine. If they want to piss on their opportunity of a lifetime, so be it. Show them up and shine.

Preparing for this is easy – be fast, strong, and in-shape. Don't take the summer off and fart around with high school friends that you won't care about in two years. That part of your life is done, and if they want to "go out with a bang," tell them you want to "go in with a fist of hate." People may see this as cold. I see this as part of achieving your greatness.

Attitude

This can't be stressed enough – the one thing that's going to carry you through all the tough times as a walk-on (and in life) is your attitude. Every self-help guru has their own version of being a positive person; mantras to help you keep going through life and succeed.

I've always had a chip on my shoulder. I always feel that it's me against the world. I'm not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or anything "enough" to adopt a happy-go-lucky attitude towards success. It's always a battle for me. This can be draining at times but this is how I can overcome obstacles – with a drive that I have something to prove and nothing to lose.

This may not be what gets you out of bed every morning, raring to tear life's head off. But whatever does get you out of bed, you have to harness it and live it. You know the saying, "Get knocked down seven times, but get up eight"? I prefer to get up eight times and knock the fuck out of whoever knocked me down the first seven times.

Adopt a winning attitude that understands you will fail but allows you to achieve your goals.

If possible, have someone in your life that won't coddle you, but call you out on your bullshit. Whenever I faltered from this attitude my father set me straight.

• Complained about school? Suck it up and study.
• The coaches won't look at me? Quit crying and get better.
• I don't like my job! Change your attitude or quit and do your own thing.
• I don't make enough money! Find a way to make more.

People tell me I'm too blunt and "mean" when I answer training questions. Be happy it's not my father answering them.

The Bad

Let's get this out of the way – being a walk-on at a major college sucks. One hundred percent of walk-ons were good or great high school football players and used to being the Big Fish. They got the cheerleaders, the press, and the notoriety that comes from being an athletic stand out in high school.

This all changes when you're a walk-on. If you're expecting any of the perks that you once had, you're in for a very rude awakening.

The coaches won't respect you, many of the players won't respect you, the strength coaches will look at you as a burden, and the equipment managers will hand you the worst equipment they have in hopes of driving you out of their office. I've been handed cleats that I wouldn't have worn in Pee Wee football – heavy, molded high tops that had more in common with Herman Munster than Tom Rathman. I actually had to go out and buy cleats when I was in college.

I've heard what coaches say about walk-ons – some even had the decency to say it to my face. "You'll be lucky to see the field from the stands," and other gems of positive encouragement. I've heard strength coaches laugh and go back into their offices when walk-ons come into the weight room. I'm positive that few coaches will ever bother learning your name.

You might get a real number the first couple of years, but many times you and a fellow walk-on will have the same number. So there might be two number "34"'s on your team, neither with your name on the jersey.

While at Arizona, the walk-ons had a separate locker room. Old school cage lockers stuck inside a utility room/boiler room/storage room. When one of us got called up to the Big Locker Room, we were all happy for him (there's a huge sense of camaraderie amongst walk-ons), but we couldn't help but be a little jealous. If you weren't, you didn't have the right attitude.

There's an old saying, "Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." Instead of bitching about it and pouting, most of us put our heads down and worked harder – that's how you properly channel setbacks and challenges. You're either a man of action or a bitch.

Remember that your role as a walk-on, especially in the beginning, is really nothing more than a tackling dummy. And your job can literally be taken by a "dummy," a large foam bag covered in vinyl that has handles for the coach to hold.

You'll run countless plays, the same plays, repeatedly, and your body will be bruised, battered, and your head will ring. All so your teammates get a "good look" at the opposing teams plays and formations.

You think a 250-pound linebacker hits hard? Wait until his coach berates him endlessly and said linebacker knows exactly where the play is going. I've been hit so hard in the head that my dick hurt. Literally felt like my junk was smashed by a vice due to a facemask being applied to my ear hole.

And when practice is over, the rest of the team goes for the Team Meal while you trek back to your room for ramen noodles and RC Cola. You couldn't feel less a part of the team at this point. But that's the way the world works, and something very valuable I learned from all this is that you don't get treated fairly, nor should you.

The idea of fairness is a ridiculous notion – if you have something to offer then you should be treated as such. If you're a scrub in life, don't expect to be treated like someone that has value.

If the star of the team – the guy that makes the plays and makes the team go – is late to a meeting, it's brushed off. If you, the scrub tackling dummy, are late, you'll get booted out of the meeting and you'll be running after practice (that is if they care enough to stay late and waste their time with you).

There are two kinds of people in the world: the ones that protest and complain and want fairness despite never having earned it, and the ones that fight their asses off to be important and make a contribution. You have to earn the right to be treated fair. The people that have a problem with that are the scrubs.

If you take one thing from this article, let that be it.

Take Advantage of Your Opportunities

As a walk-on you have few opportunities. So you'd better take advantage of the few that you get. You'd better be physically and mentally ready. The physical part is easy – just train. Any idiot can run and lift.

But you better know the plays and know your assignment. Nothing pisses a coach off more than a mental error. So while you may get frustrated and not bother with the playbook, being ignorant of the plays will get you in the doghouse quicker than shit through a goose.

At Arizona we had a Scout Bowl every Thursday. While the rest of the team had a light, half-pad walk through, the scrubs played in a controlled scrimmage. This was the one way that many of us had to showcase our skills.

However, there are a lot of scrubs and a lot of redshirt scholarship players, and the latter will always get playing time in the Scout Bowl. So even in your own game you may not even get to play.

One Thursday I got my opportunity. The redshirt scholarship players showed some prima donna attitude and didn't want to participate. Coach Dino Babers looked at me, asked me if I was ready and put me to work.

The good/bad thing about Scout Bowls is that the offense is run heavy – it's hard to get the passing game down when the receivers and quarterbacks don't practice together. There's no timing and these two positions need to have some practice time to get this down.

So while this is a good thing for a running back (more carries), it also allows the defense to stack the box and stuff the run. I must've carried the ball 20 times in a row with varying levels of success and I was dead tired. My head was cut open, my eyes stinging with blood and sweat, my nose busted, but there was no way in hell I was ever coming out. I knew this was my one opportunity. This was it.

After that Thursday, I played in every single Saturday game. That was my opportunity. I had no idea it was coming when I woke up that Thursday morning, but if I hadn't showed up to play I probably would've never seen the field. The coaches saw something in me that day and my life changed.

As a walk-on, you'll have to find your own "Scout Bowl" moment – the time when you're called out to do something, anything. If you waste it and squander it by not being ready, that's your own fault. So be prepared.

Know Your Role

For many, this is going to be a hard pill to swallow. In high school, I was the starting tailback and outside linebacker. I never came out of the game. I ran with abandon and averaged over 100 yards a game on fewer carries than any running back. I ran hard and through people.

When I got to Arizona I had to come to grips that I was not going to play that role. I had to contribute where ever I was needed. Since I was slow, I had to gain some weight and play fullback. And this was in an offensive system that didn't use two backs frequently.

So put your ego aside and know that your role as a football player may change. You're going to have to be fluid – you may have to learn a new position if you want to get on the field. It may be a position that doesn't get the playing time or the glory that you're used to.

The important thing is that you make yourself indispensable at what you do. Work as hard as you can to be the best at your given role. If that's protecting the punter, do so with such precision that no one can take your job. Do not take your job for granted. Make it hard on the coaches to take you out. Fight like hell to do your job better than anyone.

The Good

Despite all the bad shit that you go through, in the end, the good always outweighs the bad. There's nothing more satisfying than running onto that field after years of work. The people in the stands have no idea what you've gone through to get there. You're just a guy in pads, identity shrouded by a facemask and a number.

Who cares? Most don't know what it's like to dream your entire childhood for a single moment, then work thousands of hours through endless setbacks just to see it happen.

Some people might see it as luck (and there is some involved), but what they don't see, nor do they ever want to see, is the blood, sweat, pain, and early mornings that you persevered.

They don't want to see it simply because they don't want to know that their failures in life stem from not wanting to deal with being uncomfortable, taking a chance, failing time after time, and putting it all on the line.

I'm going to brag a bit here and I don't care. I had two defining moments in my college career, two things that I'll never forget.

My first carry ever went for a touchdown on ESPN. It was a Thursday night Game of the Week on ESPN. This was the only game being played that day. We were playing San Diego State in San Diego.

I believe it was the second quarter and we were on the 5-yard line. Keith Smith, the quarterback, got the call and looked at me. "Are you ready?" The call was "5-2," a simple fullback dive. The only thing I remember is diving into the end zone, jumping up and looking around for the ref's signal.

After seeing his two arms raised I began celebrating. And celebrating. And jumping, and more celebrating, so much so that the ref came over and threatened to flag me for excessive celebration.

Fuck it – this was real and genuine. I sprinted off the field and was greeted by Keith Smith, who jumped and hugged me and I about took his arm off giving him a "high five."

It wasn't about the six points. It was the work to get there and the happiness that my close teammates felt. After the television break, I got the sideline camera and did the obligatory "Hi Mom and Dad!" even though they were at the game, and thanked my girlfriend at the time, and my dog, Betty. Yeah, I thanked my dog on national TV – just because no one else did. No one understood it except the friends who were watching and they laughed because they knew how ridiculous it was.

The next day, I walked in the weight room to lift and the whole staff started clapping and hugging me. These were the people I'd spent countless hours with and with whom I had a great bond. Seeing them so happy was amazing.

That weekend, my good friend Matt Rhodes (also a walk-on) threw me a huge party at his sister's apartment complex. There were tons of people and drinks and Matt kept introducing me, "This is Jim Wendler. He's a star football player and scores touchdowns. You might want to sleep with him."

My second defining moment came at the end of training camp, when scholarships for walk-ons are announced. This was a big deal for us, and it's not about the money. It's about the respect of the coaches and players. You can always make money but you have to work to earn respect.

When the head coach, Dick Tomey, announced my name at the end of Two-a-Days my senior year, I cried like a little girl. I ran back and called my parents and cried in the phone. I thought about all the injuries. The Graves disease. The critics. The years lifting and running. The concussions.

Every second was worth it. This was something I earned through years of work. No one could take it away.

The End

When I watch college football today and hear an announcer talk about a walk-on, it brings back a lot of memories. This was an amazing time in my life and one that I continue to look at and remember when I need a boost or an attitude check.

Most of all, I hear that announcer say "walk-on" and while I know he's giving respect, from experience I can tell you that I'd rather be known as a football player, not as a walk-on. That is the ultimate respect.

• Please pass this on to your sons if they hope to play college football but may not be scholarship material.
• Please post this on your bedroom wall if you're a high school player who has a dream like I did.
• Please post this in your weight room if you're a high school coach who wants to encourage your players to achieve something more, even if the "scouts" are telling them otherwise.

Good luck to all of you with a dream and the balls to fight for it. You won't need it, though.

Dan John: "Pray and fast regularly"

I need to start a "Theology on Tap" group...

If you need vitamins, cleaning supplies, cosmetics or anything else, check this out: https://www.amway.com/JasonRojas

Otherwise, here is more from Dan John's blog....

http://danjohn.net/2012/08/its-how-we-remember/

It’s How We Remember

August 5, 2012 in BLOG5 Comments

In just a few minutes, literally, my house will be filled with people. If you weren’t invited, don’t be angry, we are doing our first Practice Thanksgiving in Utah since we returned. Our house can fit five comfortably and we have twenty plus people invited tonight. “God Bless Us All” as my mom would say.

Shopping for the event, I saw the book “Catch 22″ on the give away table. Gary, my brother, and disabled Vietnam Vet took me to the film (and MASH that year, too, as I recall) and I have been a fan ever since. I had just left church and “Theology on Tap” where a group of us each a sandwich and enjoy beer or wine each week after Mass when I saw the book.

Tomorrow morning, I will be attending church again to remember some friends who died a year ago on this date. Last August 2, I received a nice email from one of the guys who died thanking me for a gift box sent by Laree Draper. He promised that he would “dig deeply” into my instructions on the Get Up DVD to cure his ailing back. The week before, he emailed me to let him know that he and his friends were praying for my successful hip replacement.

Our last conversation included this insight:
I agree with you that many misunderstand the need for reflection in the warrior spirit. I would go further, based upon my experience over the past ten years, and say that many, many have forgotten the need for reflection in the warrior spirit. Musashi Miyamoto, Japan’s “Sword Saint” and the undefeated victor of over 60 duels to the death, said that the warrior should practice painting and poetry as well as the sword. His work, “The Book of Five Rings” is the deepest and yet most succinct treatise on the warrior spirit I have ever read. The warrior monks of the medieval orders such as the Knights Templar prayed and fasted regularly. But that tradition has been forgotten Reading, prayer, and meditation have been replaced with video games, alcohol (not that that wasn’t a part of things back in the day!) and surfing the internet.
Here’s one for discussion, one for Dan John the competitive athlete + philosopher: I think we would both agree that the contemplative path is superior for preparing one for intense effort and circumstances, yet it is a frustrating reality that I have encountered that good preparation and healthy living can still fall short when pitted against raw talent. There are guys who can drink, carouse and fill their bodies, minds and hearts with garbage; and then roll out of bed and beat the pants off of us less gifted mortals. They seem to naturally have an ability to let it all go, completely unleash, that I have been striving to unlock in myself all my life..

I never had the chance to answer this, of course. So, I have spent the last year writing. “Easy Strength” is dedicated to him and my next book, Intervention, is dedicated to another friend who died this day. Years ago, the guy I am dedicating “Intervention” to told me that when he saw my picture (the cover of “Never Let Go”), he told himself that “if this guy can train in these conditions, I need to quit complaining about how bad I have it.” I never told him that this was my backyard and my hot tub was withing throwing distance. Not long ago, I sat with his widow and we both agreed that dedicating Intervention to him is the right thing to do.

I never had the chance to answer the question about the “need for reflection in the warrior spirit.” I never got to sit down and tell him about how I have answered how we can follow the lead of the Knights Templar who “prayed and fasted regularly.”

But, I can tell you. And, I discuss with my brother, Gary. But, I can’t talk to the guys who inspired the questions.

And, that is my personal Catch-22.

Got Milk?

Here's a toast to the ever-revolving cycle of evidence either for or against ___________!

Drink to Your Abs!

by Kiera Aaron September 4, 2011, 03:00 am EDT

The best drink for your muscles?

Milk isn’t just for strong bones.  In fact, sporting a milk mustache may be the best way to build muscle and blast fat, says new Canadian research.

The all-female study group was split into three: a high-protein/high-dairy group, an adequate-protein/medium-dairy group, and an adequate-protein/low-dairy group. After 16 weeks, the high-protein/high-dairy group was the only group to gain muscle (1.5 pounds on average) and it also lost the most fat (8.8 pounds). The others lost muscle and not as much fat. Researchers believe these results would apply to men, too.

The key is casein and whey, two proteins found in milk.

“Since casein is digested slowly and whey is digested quickly, the protein is delivered to the muscles in two phases,” says study author Andrea Josse, Ph.D. student at McMaster University in Canada. Whey starts to build muscle quickly and casein continues the building process after the whey is already digested. “The amino acids reach the muscles faster, but also last longer, in comparison to other sources of protein,” she says.

Though meat and eggs are great options, they’re digested more slowly and are more like casein. The absorption properties in dairy are best for muscle building because of the quick/slow combo. Also, calcium has also been shown to promote fat loss, she says.

More from MensHealth.com: Count on Calcium

If you’re trying to lose fat and gain muscle, drink 1 to 2 cups of milk after a workout, when your muscles are primed for growth, says Josse. Within an hour after your workout is best.

USC Sanctions Unexplainable

LESSONS FROM THE UCF INFRACTIONS CASE

Image from WV Gazette

Because of the Penn State scandal, we seem to have forgotten about some of the other cases working their way through the normal NCAA channels. The University of Miami is still being investigated. North Carolina might be back in front of the Committee on Infractions as a possible academic fraud scandal gets deeper and deeper by the week. Oregon’s recruiting service violation has not been heard from in quite a while, but also has not gone away.

Then there was Central Florida. What UCF was accused of was, on its face, one of the worst packages of NCAA violations in recent memory. Not only were both of its revenue sports using a runner (among others) to help recruit athletes and that runner was providing benefits to student-athletes, but all of this was with the knowledge, encouragement, and even active participation of the athletic director.

For all that, UCF got off relatively light. Twin postseason bans, scholarship losses and major recruiting restrictions are not a slap on the wrist. But considering the conduct, it could and should have been much worse. The NCAA would have been justified in laying to waste both of UCF’s most prominent sports for the rest of the decade. Instead, UCF had significant but manageable sanctions for the next few years. We can also glean a little more from the case.

1. The Committee on Infractions is sort of going through the motions

After the USC case, everyone expected the worst for UNC, UCF, and Miami. For two of the three schools, that has not materialized. Despite scandals that were all but inarguably worse, both UCF and UNC escaped with lighter penalties. Add in Ohio State and a pattern starts to emerge: schools are getting a headline-grabbing postseason ban, notable but not crippling scholarship penalties, and the individuals involved are getting lengthy show-cause orders. At this point, despite the sheer length and money involved with the Miami scandal, I would expect something similar.

I suspect that the Committee on Infractions is, like all of us, waiting for the new enforcement structure. Essentially we are about a year from pressing the reset button on major infractions cases, so these cases, as bad as they are, will not be have much meaning after August 1, 2013. Hence the motive to dispose of them without the pressure of pointing the NCAA in a direction it might have to follow for the next decade. The result: a relatively standard package of penalties that looks imposing on paper but which smart programs will be able to recover from fairly rapidly.

Speaking of USC…

2. There is no longer a good theory for the USC case

There are certainly plenty of conspiracy theories about why USC received one of the stiffest set of sanctions ever handed down in Division I. Chief among them is after years of not being able to get enough evidence to bring the case against the Trojans, the enforcement staff and the Committee on Infractions had to send a message that they were not going to let USC get away with it. But even if we assume this is true, there still needs to be a more appropriate explanation.

The best reasoning had been that ultimately USC was a recruiting case, not an amateurism case. By creating an environment that allowed Reggie Bush and OJ Mayo to receive thousands of dollars of extra benefits, USC got a huge recruiting boost. The message was “come here, you don’t need to worry about those pesky NCAA rules, we don’t mind.”

If that was the core of the USC case, UCF should have gotten the death penalty. Not only was that the culture created at UCF, but the athletic director was involved as an integral part of creating that culture. Southern California might have had a laissez-faire attitude about who was in the locker room or around recruits, but the evidence that the school was actively promoting the violations was tenuous. No such problem at UCF.

The only plausible explanation now is that the USC case did not just involve a high profile athlete at a high profile program. Rather, it involved the highest profile athlete at the highest profile program. But that’s not much to explain these differences. More and more, USC looks like an aberration, a one-time case not to be repeated.

3. Show-cause orders are still more art than science

The show-cause orders issued to former athletic director Keith Tribble and to head basketball coach Donnie Jones look impressive because they are three years long. Most people who watch NCAA enforcement see that as a three-year long ban on getting another job, if not a career-ender.

But show-cause orders should be judged just as much by the restrictions in them as their length. We cannot point to a lack of morals or poor culture in college athletics and then expect a scarlet letter to work. A show-cause order should be measured on how well it prevents someone from doing their job, not how bad it might look to hire them.

Tribble is only prevented from having contact with recruits during the period of his show-cause order. Jones is only prohibited from recruiting off-campus during the July 2013 recruiting periods. Having prospects meet with the athletic director is a nice touch on visits, but not a core part of his job. And by this time next year, there are no restrictions on Jones’ at all.

That means the effectiveness of those show-cause orders is a bet that no one will hire Tribble or Jones not because they will be hampered in doing their jobs, but because it would be bad PR. Culture cannot be something that needs to be changed and the weight behind a penalty at the same time. Show-cause orders need to be about the restrictions first, and the length second.

What do you think is a fair penalty for the programs currently under NCAA review?  Let us know in the comments section below, or connect with us on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+!

Posted on August 1, 2012 by John Infante
This entry was posted in Bylaw Blog, Bylaws, College Football, NCAA Penalties and tagged Basketball, Committee on Infractions, Football, NCAA, UCF. Bookmark the permalink.

Children's Names

I am not sure what is worse, cursing your child with a terrible name of the belief that a "unique" name will somehow make your child unique or special.  In this day and age, if you want your child to be truly unique, perhaps you should teach them about abstinence, self-reliance, and logic!


http://deadspin.com/5924827/american-baby-names-are-somehow-getting-even-worse

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JUL 13, 2012 2:04 PM

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American Baby Names Are Somehow Getting Even Worse

 Drew Magary

My wife has a subscription to Parentsmagazine, and the fun thing about Parentsmagazine is that every issue is virtually identical. Whether you pick up the June 2008 issue or the March 2012 issue, you're still getting all the same shit, including items like "567 fun knitting crafts to help stave off boredom!" and "Make a time out mean it!" and "Why is your husband such a lazy sack of shit?" They have a winning formula, and they stick to it.

Anyway, I was on the shitter the other day looking through the June 2012 issue, and I got to the standard "What should you name your baby?" piece. The magazine surveyed 13,000 readers and asked them, "If you had a boy/girl, what would you name him/her?" Now, you and I both know that Americans of all stripes have grown progressively worse at naming children. It's not enough for your child to have a normal name and then try to stand out on their own merits down the road. No, no, no. Every parent now wants every child to be unique and special from the moment the doctor wipes all the amniotic fluid off of it, even though all babies look alike and contribute nothing to society.

Drew Magary writes for Deadspin and Gawker. He's also acorrespondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter@drewmagary and email him atdrew@deadspin.com.

There's a bizarre assumption that if you can make your child's name unique, the child will be unique. And that's NEVER the case. Chances are, if you name your kid Braxlee, he or she is gonna end up bent over the sink in the back of a TGI Friday's, offering tail in exchange for a better skim off the tip pool.

But people are stupid and happily ignore this fact. You would think that baby names have reached their apex of ludicrousness. But you would be wrong. Oh, dear reader, you would be so, so wrong. Americans are somehow getting even worse at naming children, and they show no signs of correcting themselves. You think that Jayden is the bottom of the barrel? My friend, I combed through this survey and found names that would confuse and terrify you. I can't even list them all here, because your brain would die. Instead, I've picked just a few representative choices, to show you the tip of the preppy white moron iceberg. BEHOLD:

BOYS

• Adler

• Attyson

• Bastian

• Blayde The extra Y in there makes it 10 percent sharper. And don't fuck with Blayde's brother, Nyfe.

• Chesney

• Draven Please note that if you name your baby Draven, you must dress him up like the Crow at all times.

• Diesel

• Izander "I'd like my son to sound like a shirt. Can you do that?"

• Jaydien That's right. JaydIen. Don't forget that I. That I is what sets young Jaydien apart from the mere Jaydens of the world. Now don't you people who named your kid Jayden feel behind the times? You bought the beta version of that name. It's like buying an iPad too early. Six years from now, the name will have morphed into Jayydizzosoian, and then you'll really feel like a sucker.

• Kierson Straight from the "Invented Irish name for Boston-area steakheads" file

• Ryker

• Sincere

• Sketch If you name your child Sketch, you should be arrested. At that point, you're just basically looking around the delivery room, coming up with nouns as names. "Oh, fuck it. Call him Monitor."

• Tulsa If you're gonna name your kid after a place, at least have the common courtesy to name him after a legitimate tourist destination. No one wants to hang out with a kid named Tulsa, or a kid named Kalamazoo. Ol' Kal. Always gettin' in trouble.

• Tyce Fuck you.

• Zaiden Of course Zaiden is here. It takes Jayden and throws a Z in front, which makes it SO STRONG. God, I just wanna slap a loincloth on little Zaiden and club dragons with him. Be on the lookout for Drayden, Fayden, Waiden, Strayden, and Klayden coming to your hood.

• Zebulon Classic hillbilly, with the bonus of sounding like a cartoon alien planet.

Those are the boys. For the girls... God, I'm so sorry for you, little princesses. Here is what your meth-addled mothers cooked up for you:

GIRLS

• Annyston Joined by brother Schwymmir

• Brook'Lynn The abuse of apostrophes in names has to end. A reasonable person should be able to know, by looking at a name, when one syllable ends and another begins. But no, dumbfucks all over the country have to be like "I'll name him Raw'Bert." You stop that. Give me some credit for being able to read even if you can't.

• Brylee Isn't this an ice cream brand? It should be an ice cream brand.

• Copelia It's a ballet about a mechanical love doll, only spelled wrong.

• Cortlyn

• Fallyn "I'd like my daughter to sound like a dystopian young adult novel, please."

• Harvest You know what people will Harvest from your daughter? Her V-card.

• Jerrika You know what comes next, right? You guessed it: ZERRIKA. You will meet a Zerrika one day, and then you won't know what to do with yourself.

• Joplyn

• Julissa Classic hybrid name. It joins the likes of Emichelle, Eliza'Betty, and Jessikate.

• Luxx Why not add that third x and fulfill her destiny? That's what you want, right? You want little Luxx to grow up, move to the Valley and earn $60 a week getting jet spraykakke'd for a series of Brazzers short films, yes? There's no other reason to name your child Luxx.

• Mahayla

• Midnight

• Sharpay This is a character from High School Musical. It's also a breed of dog. Why stop there? Name your child Dobyrman.

• Tayzia

• Tybee Seriously, fuck you. Unless you want your kid to grow up to become a made-for-TV cooking product, piss off with Tybee.

• Xylethia

• Yankee And... the final insult.

As I said before, this is merely a sampling. There are so many more horrible names on the list: Trust, Wellen, Kayson, Stormy, Mayson, Kayleen—it goes on and on and on. I wish I could tell you there's an end to this, that writing your local Congressman to draft laws preventing this kind of child abuse from happening would do the trick. But I can't. It won't. Our fate is sealed, not unlike that of poor Luxx. Luxxx. Luxxxx'Ann. God help us all.

Photo via Anatoliy Samara/Shutterstock

America's Scariest Fitness Trends

Make fun of Men's Health all you want, but they are right about some of these things.  The first priority of a strength coach should be, "Do no harm".


http://www.menshealth.com/deltafit/americas-scariest-fitness-trends?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-MensHealth-_-Content-DeltaFIT-_-ScariestFitnessTrends


America's Scariest Fitness Trends

Posted Date: June 22, 2012

About 10 years ago, a friend of mine—who was a strength coach for a Major League baseball team—told me about an all-star outfielder who was absolutely crazy about fitness. So much so that the player did barbell squats in the locker room. While standing on a Swiss ball. Buck naked. Which isn't just crazy—it's scary. (Now, there's nothing wrong with being tough—you'll need it to get through the Men's Health 15-Minute Abs, Arms, and Chest Workout DVD [3]—but you also need to be smart about what you do.)


Thank goodness naked Swiss-ball squats never went viral. But I've found three current fitness trends that are just as scary. (If you don't count the nudity.)


Scary Fitness Trend #1: Hopping For Heavyweights If you’ve ever watched a reality weight-loss show, you might have seen 300-pound contestants jumping onto boxes to blast calories. It’s often an awkward jump that looks dangerous, even to the casual observer. Of course, they wouldn’t show it on TV if it was a bad idea—right? Wrong. (Exhibit A: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.)


Is jumping an effective way to burn calories? Yes. But is it a good idea for people who are significantly overweight? No. And that goes double if the person is just starting a fitness regimen.


“While jumps of any kind are a great tool for increasing power, building strength, and blasting your cardio, they will increase your injury risk,” says Robert dos Remedios, C.S.C.S., strength coach at College of the Canyons and author Men’s Health Power Training. “For an obese person, this injury risk will sky-rocket simply due to the large deficit in their strength to body-weight ratio.” So combine a lot of extra weight with muscles that aren’t well trained, and you have a recipe for disaster.


“I rarely even use box jumps with my athletes for fear of mishap and injury,” says dos Remedios, who has been training collegiate athletes for 18 years. “I can never imagine putting an obese client in this situation.”


Dos Remedios acknowledges that low-level jumps, such as jumping jacks, partial squat jumps, and even some jump rope drills can have a place in an obese client’s fitness routine. But he emphasizes that he would always weigh the risk of such activities versus the reward. “There are so many other ways to burn calories and boost your metabolism,” says dos Remedios. “My goal is to minimize risk and maximize results.”


One of his favorite ways to do that: the kettlebell swing. Not only has this exercise been shown to be a great calorie-torcher, a new study from the University of Waterloo shows that it may help prevent lower-back injuries. But you have to do it right. Watch the video to make sure you perform the kettlebell swing with perfect form. (And to use the kettlebell swing to melt flab fast, check out The World’s Simplest Fat-Loss Routine [4].)




Scary Fitness Trend #2: Marathon-Training For Fat Loss Whenever someone tells me they’re going to run a marathon, I ask a single question: “Why?” I don’t ask sarcastically; I’m truly curious.


The most common reason? “I want to lose weight.”


My first thought: “Wrong answer.”


While completing a marathon is a truly admiral accomplishment, it’s not necessarily an ideal way to lose your excess baggage. In fact, I would argue that if you want to do a marathon, you should first lose the weight before you start your marathon training.


Fitness expert Rachel Cosgrove agrees. Cosgrove is the co-owner of Results Fitness in Santa Clarita, California, and is also an Ironman triathlete. Read: She’s not only completed a marathon, but also a 2.4 mile swim and 112-mile bike ride right before that marathon. The upshot: As a both a trainer and an athlete, she knows a lot about marathon-training—and plenty about fat-loss training, too.


“Running is actually an advanced activity,” says Cosgrove. “Before you ever start to train for a marathon, you should first work on getting strong and fit.”


Cosgrove explains: “Every step you take running is a hop onto one leg. And hopping on one leg is considered a plyometric activity. Plyometrics are an advanced exercise that you should do only after you’ve built up a base strength to handle them.”


Think of it this way: Running just one mile can amount to doing 1300 to 1600 hops. “If you hired me to train you and on day one, I said, ‘We’re going to do 1500 hops on one leg,’ you'd think I was nuts,” says Cosgrove. “But that’s exactly what you’re doing when you head out for a run.” And just like Scary Trend #1, this can significantly increase your risk for injury.


Yes, people have successfully used marathon-training to drop weight. But probably more people have suffered ankle, knee, and hip injuries because they weren’t prepared for the stress that training for the event put on their bodies.


The take-home message: Make peak fitness your top priority. And once you achieve that goal, you can consider making the marathon your next challenge. One way to know you’re ready: TryThe Men’s Health Spartacus Workout [6], created by Cosgrove herself. If you can handle this intense routine, you can handle just about anything.


Scary Fitness Trend #3: Extreme Workouts That Are Too . . . Extreme It’s cool to push yourself in the gym. In fact, you should push yourself. What’s not so cool: To push yourself beyondyour limits. It’s a quick way to get injured. But in fitness circles, this practice is trending. The idea is this: You work yourself to complete exhaustion, no matter how sloppy your form gets. At the end of your workout, you feel an air of satisfaction, knowing you gave it your all.


But here's the problem: As fatigue starts to set in during an exercise, form starts to falter. That's a fact. "When this happens, your body starts to compensate, altering the muscle fibers that are recruited as well as delaying reflexes," says Men's Health fitness adviser Bill Hartman, P.T., C.S.C.S, co-owner of Indianapolis Fitness and Sports Training. "This causes overload to joints and soft-tissues, and makes fatigue a key component of injury potential."


How do you know when you've taken an exercise too far? One sign is that you achieve "technical" failure. This is the point at which your performance starts to decline, and it can be identified in two ways, says Hartman.


1. You can't maintain perfect form. The easiest gauge is when your posture changes—for instance, you have to excessively arch your back to complete a bench press, or you need to lean your torso backward to complete an arm curl. Another indicator: You stop performing an exercise in a full range of motion. So instead of performing a squat as deep as you can, you "stop short" and do partial squats instead. (To make sure you know perfect form, check out The Men's Health Big Book of Exercises [7] and The Women's Health Big Book of Exercises [8], where you'll find full-color photos of more than 500 exercises.)


2. You aren't in total control of the weight. In this case, the speed at which you lift a weight slows down as you pass your "sticking point." So if the rate at which you do a pushup starts to slow as you press yourself up, you've achieved technical failure. The other yardstick: You aren't able to lower a weight back to the starting position at the same rate from top to bottom. That is, it feels as though the weight overtakes you. When either of these conditions occurs, you've reached technical failure.


Unlike in absolute failure, in which you can't perform even one more repetition, you'll probably feel as if you could pump out a couple more. But the truth is, once you've hit technical failure, fewer target muscle fibers are firing during each repetition thereafter—so you've achieved already maximal benefit from that exercise. "You'll get better overall results if you rest and add another set, than if you push past what you're capable of doing with good form," says Hartman.


Keep in mind, that beyond the immediate injury risk, you also need to consider the ramifications down the line. “Even though you may be able to gut through an exercise in the short-term, this action could be bringing long-standing issues closer and closer to threshold,” says Eric Cressey, C.S.C.S., owner of Cressey Performance in Hudson, Massachusetts, where he trains dozens of professional athletes.


“We know that the overwhelming majority of people have something structurally wrong on MRIs and X-rays—whether it's a disc herniation, rotator cuff tear, or degenerative changes in the knee," Cressey says. "Good training should prevent these issues from ever getting to the point that they cause symptoms, but just plowing through exercises with terrible form can instead bring these issues to the forefront."


Be smart: When it comes to your fitness plan, don't strive be an absolute failure. (And make sure to use this no-fail plan when firing up your grill this summer: Our 2012 Grilling Guide [9].)